High Heels, Low Life

Posted by on Oct 9, 2012 in On The Street | 0 comments

But was it worth the hurt?

It’s been something that has been ingrained into the fabric of every women’s mind since the mutton-leg chomping,  petticoat wearing, rusty knight-jousting days of yore: the high heel. First invented during what most scientists will agree on as the age of the Egyptians, high heels signaled to the barefoot, unwashed masses that not only was the wearer one of the elite, but also, taller than thee. 

Times have changed since those dusty days, though, not as much as you might think. Sure, any middle-class person can afford to purchase a pair of fashion-forward feet-teeters, but heels still signal a sort of bourgeois snobiety when worn the right way. When was the last time you saw Anna Wintour in flats? Answer: never.

Heels also seem to have a great psychological effect on the women–or men (let’s not be discriminatory here)– who sport them. Let’s take a look at a few memorable aphorisms by heel lovers of every color:

“When I wear high heels I have a great vocabulary and I speak in paragraphs. I’m more eloquent. I plan to wear them more often.” – Meg Ryan

“If you haven’t got it. Fake it! Too short? Wear big high heels, but do practice walking!” – Victoria Beckham

“High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.” – Christopher Morley

But Christian Louboutin, the legendary red-soled heel slinger himself, perhaps put it most succinctly:

“High heels are pleasure with pain.”

And what a pain it really is. According to dozens of studies on the dangers of wearing high heels, wearing that sexy pair of 6-inch stilettos isn’t half as dangerous to the menz as it is to your body.

Heels contort the foot into an unnatural position, causing women to have shorter Achilles tendons, bunches of hammertoes, bunions and corns… which really isn’t corny at all. Worse of all, once your foot is used to the abuse of wearing heels all the time, it retains that grotesque Barbie-esque shape, causing you to have to wear them all the time, as wearing flat-footed shoes actually cause more damage to your foot.

But tell that to legions of heel devotees, dress-code wielding bouncers and black-tie soirees… not to mention just about every fashion designer on the planet. Yeah, I know, fashion could care less about my health… and with heels, you just can’t have it both ways. I guess it’ll always be their doorway, or, the high heelway.

[Nigel holds up a pair of fashionable high heels] I guessed an 8 and a half.
I don’t need those. Miranda hired me. She knows what I look like.
Do you?
Nigel schools Andy on the importance of being a well-heeled lady (Devil Wears Prada).

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